Movies Worth Seeing
Movies Worth Seeing is a comedy podcast that explores all the best trending films and blockbuster releases. A big movie buff, Michael is an unconventional reviewer of all things movies. This podcast is for anyone sick of watching crappy movies and wants only to watch the best
Movies Worth Seeing
Madam Web: A Marvel Masterclass in Mediocrity
Ever watched a movie so bad it makes you question how it was even made? That's exactly what happened when we subjected ourselves to Sony's latest Spider-Man Universe disaster, Madam Web. From the moment Dakota Johnson's paramedic character coldly dismisses a child thanking her for saving their mother, we knew we were in for a special kind of cinematic catastrophe.
The problems with this film run deeper than a spider's web. Every performance feels like it was delivered under duress, with talented actors like Sydney Sweeney appearing completely stripped of their natural abilities. Dakota Johnson delivers each line as if she's reading it for the first time, with comedic timing so poor it sabotages even the rare moments when the script manages a decent joke. Meanwhile, the villain suffers from dialogue that appears completely disconnected from his on-screen actions, suggesting extensive post-production fixes that failed spectacularly.
What makes Madam Web particularly disappointing isn't just that it's bad - it's that it lacks even the ambition to be memorably terrible. Unlike cult classics that fail with passion, this film feels created on autopilot, devoid of creative risks or distinctive vision. The plot holes are numerous and baffling: a clairvoyant villain who can't see an oncoming car, a protagonist who abandons the very people she's meant to protect, and timeline inconsistencies that make no logical sense. Add in the most heavy-handed Pepsi product placement we've seen in years, and you have a film that earns a solid zero out of five stars. Did you subject yourself to Madam Web? We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, and don't forget to subscribe for more brutally honest movie reviews!
Hey everyone and welcome to another episode of Movies Worth Seeing. Addy, would you care to ask me why I'm wearing this stupid hat?
Speaker 2:Why are you wearing the stupid hat? Because it doesn't f***ing matter. Just like f***ing, madam Web D'ah.
Speaker 1:We are talking about Madam Web. Uh, why are we talking about it? I don't know. I just thought to myself what's a movie that's definitely not worth seeing.
Speaker 2:You're not living up to the name of your podcast. Movies worth seeing Not, madam Web.
Speaker 1:Every bit of dialogue in this is delivered like a robot, delivered it Like a chat GBT conversation delivered it. There's no variation in tonality or anything like that.
Speaker 2:There are so many parts in these movies where they could have used the horrible, horrible, horrible quality of acting, story, script, structure, of every f***ing visual thing you can imagine to make it an iconic terrible movie such as shark night or something that's intentionally bad. But the problem is that they take themselves so freaking serious is what makes it so bad. You gotta go for one the other. You either take yourself serious and you make something good, or you take yourself not serious at all and you produce something bad.
Speaker 1:But how do you get taken seriously when you can tell they're trying to be funny but they're failing at it badly because the actors have terrible delivery. Dakota johnson has the worst sense of comedic timing, so even when a line is funny, she destroys it. This is an empty vessel where everyone feels like they are performing this movie as if they were held at gunpoint and they just got to get it over with for the sake of it.
Speaker 1:Like sydney, sweeney is terrible and she's an amazing actress yeah, so I don't know what they did to her to like you see little glimmers where you can tell there's something there, but I don't know how it requires a special talent to be able to suck all the talent out of other people.
Speaker 2:I'm so sorry. Yes, you should be so sorry. Let's talk about a few moments and storylines and why they're justified or not justified at all.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I got a great one. Imagine you're watching Terminator 2, right, and the Terminator has just saved John Connor from the T-1000, who you can tell is a threat. Now imagine the Terminator saved John Connor in Terminator 2 and then decided hey, john, I'm going to go to Peru for a week. You stay here and deal with the T-1000. See ya, that's what this movie does.
Speaker 1:At one point, like the main character, who now realizes the stakes although they're pretty much non-existent just decides to leave these three girls that she's meant to be protecting existent, just decides to leave these three girls that she's meant to be protecting. And I think that's the other problem. Is that spider dude, whatever the f**k this guy's name was, I don't even remember because he's so generic. In fact, he's so generic that I'm pretty sure they just adr'd and added everything like a chat gbt voice to his dialogue. I don't know if, like, they must have got the actor based on his looks and didn't hear anything he said. And then they got him in a room and he was like Hi guys, I'm here for Madam Web. And they were like, oh shit, but we already signed off on this.
Speaker 2:Let's shoot everything. Then get him some voice training and record his voice.
Speaker 1:Later We'll fix it in post and what you get is obvious dialogue that's been recorded at a separate time and then added in post. I'm gonna sit back and let it happen.
Speaker 2:I will find them and kill them first his voice didn't match his lips, it didn't match the movements, it didn't match the surrounding, the room, the space, the time, it didn't match the emotions, it didn't match anything. It just sounded like an overlay, what it obviously was. 95% of all the films are 80-odd. Yeah, it's a normal thing. It's a normal thing. It's just that, for example, example, wolf ring right in I was about to say hugh jackman, you see like there's a footage from behind the screens. With him, he's like cool, that's all filmed, how he did it, that he's gonna reenact everything. But then within, like this small, confined, soundproof studio, and right, yeah, and he does that. And it's amazing because then when they edited it back into the movie, it sounds like the original sound from the clip. Here it's like this guy is running off the clips, off the clips, and he's jumping and running off the walls and he gets hit by a truck and his voice is like my voice is still like this.
Speaker 1:Another thing that I was just thinking about the main character's arc. You can tell what it is in the first like five seconds of meeting her because they bludgeon you over the head with it. She hates people. Why is she a paramedic that saves people if she hates people? She like saves someone and then one of the kids of the patient comes up to her with a drawing, like thank you for saving my mom. And she's like yeah, you can keep that number one. I'm just like what a horrible person. Number two how am I gonna like this character or resonate with her at all?
Speaker 1:it doesn't give you the the opportunity to like her and then feel bad for her and wanting her to grow you just feel like she's in the first gear the whole movie of I just hate you guys, but like I gotta protect you. Well, why do you gotta protect them? You don't have to protect them if you don't give a about them yeah.
Speaker 2:Why doesn't she like? Why doesn't she like people? Why does she hate her mom? Is it just because her mom gave birth to her in the Amazon? Is that why that's a good?
Speaker 1:point. They don't explain that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she hates her mom for no reason and that makes her just like a pathetic character. Because why does she hate her mom? Yeah, oh, my mom, yeah, my mom. I blame my mom for dying. That's what it is. She blames her mom for dying and the mom only died because she was in Amazon. And like, why is she so stupid that she went to the Amazon while being high pregnant, um, in the last stages of pregnancy, and that's why she died. Because she gave birth to me in a place where there was no paramedic. And that's why now I'm a paramedic, so that I can help people. And she's like I don't care.
Speaker 2:I don't care, I don't care, I just don't care.
Speaker 1:One of the tropes that I really hate in movies is when you have, like this unstoppable force who's chasing down people, like, for example, in a horror movie or, like I said, the Terminator, the T-1000. But in this there's so many opportunities where the villain could kill these three girls that Madam Web is protecting and you say to yourself, like, why doesn't he? You almost want him to just kill them to end the stupid movie.
Speaker 2:Here comes a little list of things that I hate about the villain right. First of all, how old is Dakota Johnson? Early 30s, yeah, I mean, it's been 30 years since, uh, the flashback to today. He didn't age at all and I was like, okay, okay, no problem if he didn't age at all, that, that that could be, maybe because the spider venom it gives him, like uh, superpowers, maybe he stays young forever, but that in his visions of how he's gonna die in, let's say, eight years from now, he is gray how does that happen?
Speaker 1:what do you mean? He did age. He had a couple of gray hairs a couple of yes, he didn't.
Speaker 2:He did not even have those gray hairs that was the.
Speaker 1:That was CGI grey hair. All the budget went to trying to make him look old, instead of writing an actual freaking script.
Speaker 2:So bad and then right. So he has the superpower, he has the vision, he has the vision of the future, of how he's going to die, but he doesn't have the vision that he's going to be hit by a car in five minutes from now.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Not once, but twice. Let's go to the interesting bit now. Michael, In a rating between minus five to five, what rating would you?
Speaker 1:give this. This is a full on zero. I would happily watch Samurai Cop or the Room or Birdemic. There's a lot of really terrible films that I'd much rather watch than this, because at least there's like some kind of boldness of doing something, whereas this is just the most autopilot movie I've ever seen in my life. None of the actors have any soul or energy or anything in it. The story has nothing exciting. There's barely any action. Most of the action happens in flashbacks and they're meaningless. If they made a doco about how this movie got made, that would be more interesting to me than watching the actual movie, because I'd be like how just so many high-profile executives like with a company like Sony and after Morbius bombed, how do they say we're gonna do the exact same thing again?
Speaker 2:I would give it a 5 out of 5, just joking. 0 out of 5. If I could lower, I'd be going lower. I can't say a single good thing about this movie.
Speaker 1:Not a single good thing it doesn't even accentuate like the best things about its cast or anything like that. Yeah, we should also write in the title of this podcast that it's Madam Web, presented by Pepsi Cola. That was as obvious as anything. I'm surprised there wasn't a scene in this where, like someone was like dying, like they're bleeding and Madam Web doesn't just let me just get you a Pepsi Cola to satisfy your thirst. There you go, and then he's like we've all that sugar and energy.
Speaker 2:I'm back to normal. That would be shameful.
Speaker 1:But you know what's not shameful? Commenting below and liking this video and subscribing for more videos like this. Did you see Madam Web and if so, what's one of your favorite quotes from the movie? Comment below and let us know. Until then, this is us guys from Movies Worth Seeing. You can check out the full podcast at Spotify and anywhere else where there's podcasts. Good day.